One,alone.

I still remember vividly when I came home that very day, smiled at my parents like nothing is wrong with me. I hurried into the bathroom, and took off the fabric that was covering the upper part of my body. Then I came upon my own reflection at the mirror. I looked at myself, I stared at myself, and my eyes exposed the inner self. Tears trickled down my cheeks. I looked at myself as I cried. It was ugly, but I am sure I wanted that to be the outer part. I want to be like everyone else, being able to express their emotions in front of anyone else. I think that is a blessing, because I can’t do that. I can’t. I used to think that crying was just a representation that you are nothing but a weakling. Till that very day when all the stacked-up emotions just began crumbling down. It took awhile before the insides were fixed and very soon I was ‘alright’ again. I really wish to switch roles with people. I still human after all. I am made up of flesh. I’ll not play super hero this time. I’ll not take more than what I can take anymore. I’ll be contented. I need someone else to be my pillar. I am pillar of many others and that is the reason why I need another support. I really need it. I don’t want to come home and just stay confined in my room anymore. I want my parents to understand me. Do you know it’s been a long time since I embraced my mum and cried to her? It has been a very long time. Years, in fact, or maybe, this is just retribution. I’ve let down countless people in my life especially when they needed me the most. For now, I just wished to be loved. I just wish to be loved. I think I really need a break-away. I think I really need one.

我爱过几个人，也被爱过几遍，却还是没能将幸福留下
I feel better after writing it out here. @Sylvestisalone.blogspot.com is really my loyal solace that has never left me once.