Unspoken Words Of Love For You.

I'll use this place, and pen down everything. Word by word, in remembrance of everything. Everything. It's crazy how I easily keep from anyone what's going on with this heart and mind, for months. No it is not amazing, because someday when you realise you have lost what is deemed important in your life, it is too late. It just feels like it has happened again. When it happen the first time, it was horrible. The word "horrible" here is under-rated. Greatly under-rated.
As usual it took a night to figure out things. I wish God would tell me what he has for me. Is my love story so interesting? The first time it happened, I took the role of a playboy. Now it's happened again, what am I supposed to do. I wish there's one day I'll go to church alone, and see there alone, talking to God for hours.
What am I supposed to tell you. That the notes you gave me are still hanging there, and every time I get upset I'm reading it? You said, " Smile, 'cos you deserve to. :) " Do I really deserve to smile now? "When penguins find their mate, they stay together for the rest of their lives. Will you be mine?" It hurts to read all these now. It hurts to see anything that reminds me of us. Yes, the us that was neglected. The us that I thought would continue. I guess I am dumb, yes amazingly that dumb. I thought about continuing to be friends, is that possible for me? Why am I always trying to think rational solutions that will work out? You made a choice yesterday you say you would not regret. You said love will eventually spark off. Few months ago I still remember Wei Chiat telling me my heart is still with you. Today it is still, and I have regrets, for not telling you earlier. Telling you anything that I have thought of, always wanted to tell you about, but have been holding back. Perhaps it is a good lesson. I wish I have more time to say things here right now, but time disallows. I'll pen down more things when I am back. In the meantime, I have been thinking about, being friends? In any case, I still want to thank God for this lesson in life. I thank you too.